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**LandLocked** · 10-02-2018, 10:22 AM

What does a Lawyer get when you give him viagra?

Answer...Taller!

**al_carl** · 10-02-2018, 10:50 AM

4 surgeons were sitting around chatting one day and talk turned to what type of patient they liked to operate on the most.

1st doctor said "I like operating on librarians because when you open them up everything is alphabetized."

2nd one said "Mathematicians are easier because when you open them up, everything is numbered."

3rd doc said "Engineers are my favorite because they come with their own blueprints."

4th doc said "You are all wrong, lawyers are the best patients to operate on. They are spineless, gutless, brainless, heartless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

**LandLocked** · 10-02-2018, 11:04 AM

Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, an Honest Lawyer and a Old Drunk are walking down the street.

Suddenly a $100 bill appears on the sidewalk in front of them.

Who picks it up?

The Old Drunk of course...the other 3 characters are mythical creatures.

**acoastalbender** · 10-02-2018, 12:40 PM

Lemme dust this one off ...

A prestigious research university had recently got rid of all their testing rats and replaced them with lawyers ...

When asked why lawyers were better than the rats an official responded "There are some things even a rat won't do."

.

**Danny Jansen** · 10-02-2018, 01:52 PM

What do you call a 100 passenger bus with 99 lawyers in it that is going off a cliff?

Waste of space

**bassguitarman** · 10-02-2018, 02:31 PM

What's the difference between a lawyer and a snake run down on the highway?
. . . Skid marks in front of the snake.

**LandLocked** · 10-02-2018, 02:40 PM

As the Lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked “why are the blinds drawn?” The nurse answers, “there’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died. “

**Oyster Dog** · 10-02-2018, 06:51 PM

What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

**gds** · 10-03-2018, 03:29 AM

Billy Graham, the Pope and a lawyer showed up at the Pearly Gates at the same time, St. Peter meets them and tells them to follow him and he will show them where they'll be staying. St. Peter takes the lawyer to his place first and it's the grandest mansion you've ever seen, Billy Graham thinks,"Boy if a lawyer is getting a place like this the Pope and I must really be going to get a great place."
Next St.Peter drops the Pope off, it's small cottage with a picket fence around it, Billy thinks to himself, "I guess he wasn't as good a person as I thought he was."
Finally St.Peter gets to Billy's house and it's just like the Popes, well he just had to ask, " Look St. Peter I'm not complaining, but the lawyer got that big mansion and the Pope and I only get these little cottages after we've worked our whole lives for the Lord." St. Peter looks at him and says we've got lots of Popes and Preachers, but he's the first lawyer to make it..

**Ready.Fire.Aim** · 10-03-2018, 08:29 AM

Your pistol has only two silver bullets. You walk into a room and there is the devil, a vampire, Adolph Hilter, and a lawyer .

What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice !

10-02-2018, 10:22 AM	#1
LandLocked Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Apr 28 2005 Age: 64 Posts: 1,290 Rep Power: 13901345	Lawyer jokes...I’ll start it off...y’all tell me a few a yours! What does a Lawyer get when you give him viagra? Answer...Taller!

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10-02-2018, 10:50 AM	#2
al_carl Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Jan 20 2012 Location: Baytown Posts: 923 Rep Power: 21479093	4 surgeons were sitting around chatting one day and talk turned to what type of patient they liked to operate on the most. 1st doctor said "I like operating on librarians because when you open them up everything is alphabetized." 2nd one said "Mathematicians are easier because when you open them up, everything is numbered." 3rd doc said "Engineers are my favorite because they come with their own blueprints." 4th doc said "You are all wrong, lawyers are the best patients to operate on. They are spineless, gutless, brainless, heartless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

10-02-2018, 11:04 AM	#3
LandLocked Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Apr 28 2005 Age: 64 Posts: 1,290 Rep Power: 13901345	Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, an Honest Lawyer and a Old Drunk are walking down the street. Suddenly a $100 bill appears on the sidewalk in front of them. Who picks it up? The Old Drunk of course...the other 3 characters are mythical creatures.

10-02-2018, 12:40 PM	#4
acoastalbender Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Jul 16 2011 Age: 68 Posts: 4,411 Rep Power: 21482768	Lemme dust this one off ... A prestigious research university had recently got rid of all their testing rats and replaced them with lawyers ... When asked why lawyers were better than the rats an official responded "There are some things even a rat won't do." .

10-02-2018, 01:52 PM	#5
Danny Jansen Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Sep 14 2005 Location: McAllen, TX Age: 73 Posts: 1,936 Rep Power: 21482424	What do you call a 100 passenger bus with 99 lawyers in it that is going off a cliff? Waste of space

10-02-2018, 02:31 PM	#6
bassguitarman Still trying to figure it all out Join Date: Nov 29 2005 Location: okc Age: 72 Posts: 10,491 Rep Power: 21490904	What's the difference between a lawyer and a snake run down on the highway? . . . Skid marks in front of the snake.

10-02-2018, 02:40 PM	#7
LandLocked Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Apr 28 2005 Age: 64 Posts: 1,290 Rep Power: 13901345	As the Lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked “why are the blinds drawn?” The nurse answers, “there’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died. “

10-02-2018, 06:51 PM	#8
Oyster Dog Just for the halibut Join Date: May 21 2005 Location: Rockport Age: 60 Posts: 942 Rep Power: 21481547	What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

10-03-2018, 03:29 AM	#9
gds Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: May 21 2004 Posts: 475 Rep Power: 10176376	Billy Graham, the Pope and a lawyer showed up at the Pearly Gates at the same time, St. Peter meets them and tells them to follow him and he will show them where they'll be staying. St. Peter takes the lawyer to his place first and it's the grandest mansion you've ever seen, Billy Graham thinks,"Boy if a lawyer is getting a place like this the Pope and I must really be going to get a great place." Next St.Peter drops the Pope off, it's small cottage with a picket fence around it, Billy thinks to himself, "I guess he wasn't as good a person as I thought he was." Finally St.Peter gets to Billy's house and it's just like the Popes, well he just had to ask, " Look St. Peter I'm not complaining, but the lawyer got that big mansion and the Pope and I only get these little cottages after we've worked our whole lives for the Lord." St. Peter looks at him and says we've got lots of Popes and Preachers, but he's the first lawyer to make it..

10-03-2018, 08:29 AM	#10
Ready.Fire.Aim Registered Users-pm+ Join Date: Sep 21 2009 Location: Past the second cattle guard, at the end of the gravel road Age: 58 Posts: 1,665 Rep Power: 21480685	Your pistol has only two silver bullets. You walk into a room and there is the devil, a vampire, Adolph Hilter, and a lawyer . What do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice !

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