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YOU MIGHT BE A TEXAN IF:

1. You can properly pronounce Boerne, Nacogdoches, Waco, Amarillo, Waxahachie, enchilada and guacamole.

2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

3. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on Christmas Day.

4 You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You measure distance in minutes.

8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football or hunting schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, bait, and pregnancy tests all in the same store.

15. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford 150 is.

17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'.

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

19. You actually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends.

20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper!"
 

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yep

A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the
window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves
you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the
man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and
calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it
to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he
calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
in an ul! tra-h igh-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital
photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in
Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJ! et printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. government" says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even

though nobody called you ; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...........................................
Now give me back my dog."

 

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Bigmax said:
A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the
window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves
you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the
man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and
calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it
to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he
calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area
in an ul! tra-h igh-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital
photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in
Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry
and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJ! et printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,
"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. government" says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even

though nobody called you ; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...........................................
Now give me back my dog."

Now, thats funny! LOL
 
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