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2006 Skeeter Cookoff "2nd Place Brisket"
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Who all has a loved one in a nursing home, and what are the pro's and con's ???

My grandmother has been in the hospital for several weeks, she has had a couple of strokes, also Dementia aka Alzheimers.... The doc says she won't be able to live alone anymore..... She is in a skilled nursing facility now but will be discharged in the near future. I expressed to the doc that I would like to see her at home, with home health care, Rosie and I can stay with her at nite..... He suggested that we put her in a nursing home for a short time as a transition period before we take her home, this would give us time to get a hospital bed and set up home health care. She has long term disability insurance and large bank account....

Is there anything that I might need to know before admitting her to a nursing home for a couple of months ????

I'm so confused about the whole deal........
 

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my grandmother is in a nursing home and my father was in one for several years before he passed away in 2004. i have also worked for many nursing homes as a pharmacy consultant over the years.

my advice would be this: ask a lot of questions and pick your nursing home very, very carefully. there are a number of great facilities out there, but there are many, many bads ones that i wouldn't put my worst enemy in.

generally speaking, your grandmother will be better off in the most expensive nursing home your money can buy.
 

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Habit

What part of the world are you looking ? My Mom was in a place down in Dickinson and I can say without a doubt it was the best thing we ever did. she has been in several others and this one was the best. Really a house (home) with 3 eldery folks in it and cared for around the clock with great help. Own private rooms etc.

Charlie
 

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I was a nursing home nurse (RN) for about 8 years, geropsych for 8 years and have worked in geriatrics for all of my 17 years nursing. Now I am working in a hospital unit specifically for those 65 and older.

I agree with master cylinder but I am intrigued by Charlie's suggestion. Sounds like what they might call an adult foster care home and I bet it was a) expensive and b) worth every penny. Probably hard to get into though.

Now for some things to think about. I dont mean to sound uncaring but think twice before bringing your grandma home. I am intimately familiar with what dementia (or alzheimers, if that is what kind of dementia it is) looks like as it progresses. There are some things for you to prepare yourself to face.

She may not sleep at night, sometimes they get switched around. She may get up to use the bathroom at night and get lost. She may forget how to use the bathroom at all. She may forget who you are.

If she goes to a nursing home for a couple of months and settles in then I would suggest to leave her at the nursing home. The less you change her routine and environment, the better. Of course, if she isnt content there then you have to consider options.

What you want to know about a nursing home:

1. staffing ratio of nurses to patients
2. how many RNs in the house (nursing homes staff with LVNs which isnt a bad thing but you want to see RNs around too)
3. a biggie: staffing ratio of aides to patients....not their target ratio but their actual staffing day to day.
4. Do the people working there look happy or do they look harried. I am not talking about the administration but the folks out there working with the patients.
5. Does the place smell? All nursing homes have an odor, it just cant be helped, but I mean....does it really smell? That means they arent doing their jobs.
6. Do they have alot of bedsores?

Once you pick a place be visible! What I mean is be around. They will take more of a personal interest in your grandma if you talk about her alot and make her special to them. Dont be a pain in their behind, just make them realize that you care and that you want her taken care of well.
 

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Dickinson
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I've been through this a couple of times with my mom and my dad. Listen to MsAddicted. She KNOWS what she's talking about. Pay particular attention to the smell and let the staff know that you will be visiting regularly and not just during "normal" hours.
 

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"Wizards begin as blacksmiths"
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MsAddicted said:
I am intimately familiar with what dementia (or alzheimers, if that is what kind of dementia it is) looks like as it progresses. There are some things for you to prepare yourself to face.

She may not sleep at night, sometimes they get switched around. She may get up to use the bathroom at night and get lost. She may forget how to use the bathroom at all. She may (EDIT, SHE WILL)forget who you are.

If she goes to a nursing home for a couple of months and settles in then I would suggest to leave her at the nursing home. The less you change her routine and environment, the better. Of course, if she isnt content there then you have to consider options.
I've stared Alzheimers in the face with my dad and now my mom is in the early stages. MsAddicted is right on.

I wish you the best. I wouldn't wish this on an enemy.
 

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ho boy, where do i start.
( i dont care where she is placed)
1. never visit set on a routine, make it odd times of the day "or night"!
2. always- always check your grandmother person i.e body, if you cant do it get your wife to do it.
3. take all of her money (real or physical or on paper) and transfer it to some one else (before you place her!)
man i got more but i am outa time - i gata go but i'll be back.
p.s i have only seen one that was any good and it was in San Deigo but it WAS EXPENCIVE!
 

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The nursing home can take every penny of it. And all the property. Get a lawyer.
 

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Darrel, definately get some good paid legal advice. PM Ernest, I am sure he knows someone that can help. Be careful about what you post, my friend.
 

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fishes with calcutta
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Yes it's expensive. It'll take her SS check plus another $500 to $1,000 per month to keep here in a good place. When she's completely broke the state will take over and Medicare/Medicaid will pay the bills, but she has to be destitute. When you file for Medicaid the state will audit her bank account back 5 years. If they see any lump sums of money disappear she will be denied and ever who got the money will have to put it back so be careful with that.

The days of leaving an inheritance are gone for most people unless you have a large sum of money to hold you a while. The state will see to it you pay your own way and not keep your money in the bank while the taxpayers support you.
 

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BH....
My Grandmother had alzheimers. There is no way we could have cared for her after a certain point. There are just sooo many factors. It is a very hard decision. I would talk to Ms Addicted. And from experience also...it progresses fast and furious and it is almost immpossible to care for them unless that is your sole job 24-7. Good luck! Will say a prayer for you and your family.
 

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El Viejo
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Darrell..Bobby and Mont have the right first step.. If she has any considerable estate, please get a good lawyer to set up a Trust to furnish her care..preferably with you as administrator.. sounds like she is already past the point of being responsible for her affairs..

Taking her home with you is the fine, sentimental thing to think of...but you and Rosie can't take care of an alzheimer's patient by yourselves.. Believe me...we tried with MIL over here and the last few years were pure he11 and she had no idea where she was or who we were...plus the costs of help were REALLY huge..but she had considerable means and FIL had the sense before he went to set it up where my wife was the only one who could touch it...

I bleed for you, Buddy...but the nursing home route is the way to go for your own sanity...My heart goes out to you and her...that Alzheimers is a terrible thing...to the caretakers....That's my own only fear for myself.. Guess we've just progressed too far and live too long...but we all have to deal with it down the line..unless we're lucky.

You know how to get in touch if I can be of any help....

Jim
 

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2006 Skeeter Cookoff "2nd Place Brisket"
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'm learning alot here, ya'll keep um coming.....

The days of leaving an inheritance are gone for most people unless you have a large sum of money to hold you a while. The state will see to it you pay your own way and not keep your money in the bank while the taxpayers support you.
And that suks, folks that work hard all their lives to have something can't keep it, but the POS folks who won't work, or are not even supposed to be here gets major support, What the heck, I just don't understand, and it pizzes me off so bad that I'm about to become demented myself..... I think that I need to go to the range and burn up bout 1000 rounds of 9mm and 40 cal, just melt the barrels, need someone with me to keep the clips full....lol..........

Sorry I got off topic, anyone have a suggestion for an attorney who specializes with this stuff...
 

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Badhabit said:
I'm learning alot here, ya'll keep um coming.....

And that suks, folks that work hard all their lives to have something can't keep it, but the POS folks who won't work, or are not even supposed to be here gets major support, What the heck, I just don't understand, and it pizzes me off so bad that I'm about to become demented myself..... I think that I need to go to the range and burn up bout 1000 rounds of 9mm and 40 cal, just melt the barrels, need someone with me to keep the clips full....lol..........

Amen. You just said a mouthful. Pizzes me off to the 10th degree. sad2sm
 

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Good Thread

Badhabit
i fell for you too bro.
My grandmother is 94, and i am all she has here in Houston. I know it's coming sooner or later. At least i know where to go for some help and advice.
Thanks 2COOL.
Keep us informed.
I will be watching this thread and saving the link for future reference if i ever need it.
 

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BH, we are working the same route right now, today, with my dad. After another doctor visit monday, a decision will have to be made. Luckily, dad's dementia is very slight right now. We have everything set up to take him to my sister, but today he said he just was not sure he wanted to go. He really wants to be at his own home, and I may just shut down the business for a few weeks, and see how he does.

There are some nice homes out there, dad has been in Willis for 3 weeks of rehab, and it is clean and has good staff. I had to put my brother in one, and his only option (due to finances) was a not so good home. But I made sure I was there often, and I was vocal (in a friendly way) with the staff. I figure that the family should try to use a good facility to help care for a loved one, but be sure to take every possible opportunity to visit and try to be a part of the new 'home'.

BTW, her doc may be able to set up a 20 day 'rehab' stay which will be paid by medicare, if she qualifies for the rehab. That way, you can pick a facility, and see how it fits. Knowing that in 20 days you can make a more final decision.

Good luck with this, it is a really tough row to hoe.

Bogey
 

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2006 Skeeter Cookoff "2nd Place Brisket"
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
bogey999 said:
BH, we are working the same route right now, today, with my dad. After another doctor visit monday, a decision will have to be made. Luckily, dad's dementia is very slight right now. We have everything set up to take him to my sister, but today he said he just was not sure he wanted to go. He really wants to be at his own home, and I may just shut down the business for a few weeks, and see how he does.

There are some nice homes out there, dad has been in Willis for 3 weeks of rehab, and it is clean and has good staff. I had to put my brother in one, and his only option (due to finances) was a not so good home. But I made sure I was there often, and I was vocal (in a friendly way) with the staff. I figure that the family should try to use a good facility to help care for a loved one, but be sure to take every possible opportunity to visit and try to be a part of the new 'home'.

BTW, her doc may be able to set up a 20 day 'rehab' stay which will be paid by medicare, if she qualifies for the rehab. That way, you can pick a facility, and see how it fits. Knowing that in 20 days you can make a more final decision.

Good luck with this, it is a really tough row to hoe.

Bogey
She is already 13 days into the rehab "skilled nursing facility"...... So my time is running short.... We have a care meeting with the social worker and her Dr set up for Tuesday the 24th.... I need to get with a lawyer fast.....
 

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Darrell, I have lots of experience with AZ and nursing homes. You have been given some good advice above. Google up info on AZ. There are some excellent brochures to educate the caregiver on what to expect with time. It is not pretty. Your loved one will undergo many changes, with loss of memory only one of them. It happens in phases. There is a medication that can be prescribed, Aricept, that temporarily pauses the rate of decline. It only lasts about a year and then the decline falls off a cliff. Cherish the moments where there is clarity. Immediately get control of the finances. As the disease progresses there are many people that will take advantage of it and fleece your loved one. There should be no access to money for the patient, other than petty cash you set up in an account at the nursing home for her use. Plan on keeping extensive records of all incoming and outgoing funds, to the penny. I had an Excell spread sheet which accounted for every penney. Other family members may think they know what's best but you do the research on the disease and then plan on frequent updates to members of the family. I kept almost a daily diary. Good luck in the future. You will need it. Keep records. Keep records.

dave
 

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I feel for you as you go through this. As far as attorneys, find one that specializes in elder care. There isn't a great deal that you can do at this point but there are some steps you can take.
 
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