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WASHINGTON, DC -

Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a
major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack
any real skills or ambition.

Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow
people of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors
to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or
have some idea of what they are doing." Senators Kennedy, Lieberman,
Kerry, and Feinstein have co-sponsored the pending legislation.

They pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which
has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to
performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job
skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons
of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). The DMV also has
a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
"middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory
sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based
raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for
even the most unremarkable employees.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which
maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle
positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that
agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for
the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to
this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her
lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people
like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy,
with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Hope everybody has a great Independence Day holiday!

:fireworks

 
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