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Glub-Glub-Glub
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856 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
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and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
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Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy


Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I.. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I'm giving you a doll instead because I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa ,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the squirts and carrots make the deer fart when I'm riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas


Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget ***** films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.

Tell your mom she got the part.


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
wake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house..
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy


Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that **** doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa



 
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