Capt of the spyglass Potlicker club!
what happened to you!
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle at sea and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
Bartender: "Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
Pirate: "We were in another sea battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"
Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and it was a fine sunny day. A flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them ***** in my eye.
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird *****."
Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook."