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Look in the inside of a person for love
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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl named Laura. I did not love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Laura so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Laura.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me.

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Laura about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. no matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; do not tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Laura about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitter ness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.

My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute.

I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I had not noticed that our life lacked intimacy".

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Laura opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Laura, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Laura, I said, I won't divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more.

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Laura seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us part".

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the house we live in, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

 

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Good one Rendon. You know, I ain't no Rhoads Scholar. Definitely not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. But I got no problems in that area. Miss Pam and I celebrate our 35th on Saturday and we are closer and happier with every year that passes. The lesson from your little story is one that everyone should learn. There are several keys to a successful marriage; frendship, trust, respect and intimacy.

I know that we've all heard that the best part of a marriage doesn't come for many years. Not sure how many but I guess it's different for every marriage. Well, I'm living proof that that saying is true. And the beauty of it is that it never seems to quit getting better.
 

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I guess I can't see the forest for the trees.

I'm trying to understand how to apply this to my marriage.
My wife and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next week and this has to be one of the lowest points (at least for me) in our marriage.

We have three kids, ages 10, 12 and 14, pulling us in many directions. I obviously work full time and she part time (during school). It's important to us for her to be home with the kids.

We have a few money shortages but nothing huge. Just enough to be a pain.

The biggest problem (I think) is that we don't have enough time for each other and seem to be growing further apart.

God I hope this doesn't get back to her because "our" problem may just be me.

When I'm only home and awake for about 3 hours each evening, and available on the weekends, how in the heck do we make time for each other when the kids are pulling us apart? And family activities are just as stressful with all of the disagreements on what to do.

The only time my wife and I seem to spend together is when we are sleeping, actually sleeping, because we're too tired for anything else.

Any helpful experiences for ya'll with more than 2 kids would be greatly appreciated. (Prayer would be certainly accepted too.)

Thanks.
 

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85LoneStar said:
I guess I can't see the forest for the trees.

I'm trying to understand how to apply this to my marriage.
My wife and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next week and this has to be one of the lowest points (at least for me) in our marriage.

We have three kids, ages 10, 12 and 14, pulling us in many directions. I obviously work full time and she part time (during school). It's important to us for her to be home with the kids.

We have a few money shortages but nothing huge. Just enough to be a pain.

The biggest problem (I think) is that we don't have enough time for each other and seem to be growing further apart.

God I hope this doesn't get back to her because "our" problem may just be me.

When I'm only home and awake for about 3 hours each evening, and available on the weekends, how in the heck do we make time for each other when the kids are pulling us apart? And family activities are just as stressful with all of the disagreements on what to do.

The only time my wife and I seem to spend together is when we are sleeping, actually sleeping, because we're too tired for anything else.

Any helpful experiences for ya'll with more than 2 kids would be greatly appreciated. (Prayer would be certainly accepted too.)

Thanks.
My advice is to take a deep breath and talk about this together. If there is one thing that can help a marriage it is communication. If you let your feelings fester, they will only grow worse. If there is one complaint that my significant has is that we are not intimate like we were in the past. I attribute that to my new found desire to finish college and be successful in my career. All things that I believe make a good husband if I am to provide for a family. The one important thing IO leave out, is truly showing her how much I love her. And I dearly do. Reading this was an eye opener to me.....Take care of the little things. Get some flowers, kiss her deeply when you get home, and tell her how much you adore and cherish her every day. I hope this helps.

MW
 

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Look in the inside of a person for love
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
85LoneStar we will be praying for you and I am sending you a PM I hope that is helps you our.

Renee
 

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Look in the inside of a person for love
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Mikew92 said:
My advice is to take a deep breath and talk about this together. If there is one thing that can help a marriage it is communication. If you let your feelings fester, they will only grow worse. If there is one complaint that my significant has is that we are not intimate like we were in the past. I attribute that to my new found desire to finish college and be successful in my career. All things that I believe make a good husband if I am to provide for a family. The one important thing IO leave out, is truly showing her how much I love her. And I dearly do. Reading this was an eye opener to me.....Take care of the little things. Get some flowers, kiss her deeply when you get home, and tell her how much you adore and cherish her every day. I hope this helps.

MW
Yes communications is a BIG roll in marriage if you ask me. When my husband was married to his ex there was NO communication and their marriage felled. We have such good communication and our marriage is very strong. Being intimate is a roll in marriage but not a BIG one like communication. If you have no communication you have no marriage. When my husband gets home from a hard day of work he kisses and hugs me first and then he runs to the kids. I couldn't ask for anything better than my husband and kids......I feel very blessed that I found a wonderful husband, best friend and lover all at the same time.
 

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Well we have five children, grown now. BUT i listened to my wife somwhere down the line, because she always reminded me that, NO MATTER, HOW BUSY, OR WHATEVER. We always needed to tend to us. Because we were US before the kids and when they grew up and had their own lives, WE WOULD BE BACK TO US.
Thank the Lord for the Power of prayer in our marriage, we have used it non stop. I will be praying for you too.
 

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im with mike, rendon and captain. I have 3 kids and we had some troubles a few years into it because we felt obligated to do everything we could with the kids....they pulled us apart in a way...... We stopped doing everything for the kids (totally against her will) and it made life for us together alot better...... We try to go out on dates once a week or so and go out of town 3-4 times a year with just us. I am no pro at this whole marriage thing but I will keep on trying.......
 

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KJON said:
. . . Been divorced for 8 years now, after a 30 year marriage. Sad ending to a lifetime of memories but time heals,,, crown royal helps too!
I'm sorry to hear that but that's where I don't want to be.

I don't know how, but I'm definately going to make more time for my wife because after the kids are gone, I don't want to have to start over.
 
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